Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
