I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
