Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
