You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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