I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
