Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
