that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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