dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
