he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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