Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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