also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
