yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize