not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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