Porn is love you can see.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
