I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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