so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
