Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
