Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
