my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
