Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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