my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
