if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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