Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize