I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
