You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
