so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize