I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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