I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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