Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
