New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
