I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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