Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
