Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
