What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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