yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
