I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
