Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
