how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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