ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
