Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
