What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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