i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
