I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
