i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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