I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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