I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
