Sry I called you an 8
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
