I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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