either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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