I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
