im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
