Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
