Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize