Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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