Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
