dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would fuck him just for his dog
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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