My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
