shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
