I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
