if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
