worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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