is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
