What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
