the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
