i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
