Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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