My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
