Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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