hotel room ftw
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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