Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm getting married
To pizza
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
